My “Coming Out” Story

I don’t know if I really like the term “coming out” because it implies embracing a homosexual lifestyle, but I use it more in the sense of acknowledging that my attraction to men is real, and more specifically, telling my parents about it.  

I have gone to many bishops and told them about my SGA.  (Actually, I think I’ve set a record…I’ve had 8 bishops in the past 2 years, and I’ve told every single one of them).  Only one of them ever suggested telling my parents, and I immediately rejected the idea.  I could barely acknowledge this to myself, let alone my mom and dad.

Then came the gauntlet of acknowledgment.  A number of experiences, which culminated in the purchase of “In Quiet Desperation,” an entire afternoon of cathartic weeping on my bed, and a comforting reassurance that I COULD make the choice to follow Christ and refrain from homosexual behavior, led me to feel like I should ultimately tell my parents.  I put it off for a while, while I continued to tackle a few issues that I was still struggling with emotionally and mentally.  But, I finally sat down and wrote my parents a LONG letter.  I chose to write it all out, instead of telling them face to face for a number of reasons.  First of all, my mother LOVES to dominate the conversation.  I felt like I had to make sure that I got everything out without any interruptions.  Also, it helped me to present it to them in an organized manner, where they could understand where I was coming from a lot more clearly.

The next weekend, I went home to see a good friend get back from his mission.  When my parents were dropping me off at the airport to send me back to Utah, I left the letter, along with a copy of “In Quiet Desperation” on the back seat, hoping that they would notice it before it slipped into the oblivion where the rest of the crap in my parents’ car goes.  I nearly had a panic attack on the flight home (thinking about that letter + fear of flying = NOT a fun situation).  

It was 3 long days before I heard anything back from them.  Finally, my mom called me early one morning and announced that they had found the letter.  She was in tears, and had nothing but love and support to give.  I was incredibly grateful for her response.  She and my dad decided to drop everything and drive up here that night.  It was nice to have them come up, but I think it was more for them than for me.  They kept me up most of the night asking questions, and my dad gave me a priesthood blessing.  Overall, it was more of a positive experience than I would ever have expected.

Granted, there have been times when I have regretted telling them.  My mom is great at holding things over people’s heads.  But, for the most part, it has brought me closer to my parents, opened up communication a lot more, and finally gotten them off my back about dating (sheesh!).  

On a side note, the other night, one of my roommates asked everyone in the room what they’re take on SGA in the church was, and I was pleasantly surprised.  They all seemed to understand the idea that homosexuality is NOT a choice that someone consciously makes, and that it is only the behavior is a sin.  They all said something to the effect of “its just like any other weakness that people deal with in this life.”  Bravo, my friends, bravo!  Although, one of my more narrow-minded roommates was not present, and I wonder how the conversation might have been different if he were there.  Anyway, I was just happy to hear that.