Je Reviens

That’s right…I’m back.  It seems that sometimes I get tired of chronicling the cyclical struggles I undergo, but I always return, for some odd reason.

I had an enjoyable summer in the Last Frontier, again.  That is to say, Alaska, of course.  But, it wasn’t without its struggles.  And, foolishly (especially considering that I’ve thought this way many times before) I thought my emotional/mental/spiritual situation would improve with a different set of circumstances (i.e. being back at school).  Well, as always, that works for a few days or so, and then I’m back to where I was before, wondering how I’m ever going to get out of this cycle and be “reincarnated” as a better person.

I feel a little sheepish looking back at when I first began this blog.  I feel like I had so much hope back then.  Hope that, since I was finally working on acknowledging this to myself, it would start to get easier.  Now, I realize that it never gets any easier, and the point is to become stronger.  Unfortunately, I feel that I’ve become weaker.  I feel that in order to save myself from the shame and the pain, I have issued an “all-systems shut-down” to myself.  I think I’m making all this a little more dramatic than it is in reality, but still…

I return to where I always end up, I suppose… conceding to the fact that I don’t know what to do, and resolving to simply keep trying.  That’s all I can do.