Things on My Mind…

I just have a few random things on my mind…

I’ve been feeling much better in the past few days, as opposed to the slump I have been in lately.  Several different things have happened that have changed my perspective on things.  I’ve been trying to make some new friends.  For the past while I have been relying on a few close friends for my social life, especially my roommate.  Now, my roommate is one of my best friends, but we have a really different relationship.  We don’t really talk about anything.  He’s never told me, but I know for a fact he suffers from depression.  He doesn’t respond well to questions and usually cuts people off if they ask what is wrong.  And, on my end, I have never told him about my struggles with SSA, and I’m not sure if I ever will.  Anyway, I’m not sure if he has stopped taking his medication, or what the deal is, but all he ever does is sleep or watch TV when he’s not in class.  I have tried to help him get out and be active, but there’s only so much I can do, and its been bringing me down a lot as well.  Not that I’m blaming him, but when I’m going through my own struggles and I’m around someone who is depressed, it doesn’t do me a whole lot of favors.  So, I’ve been trying to make some new friends and get out more.  I struggle making friends, since I am a pretty introverted person, but the effort has helped quite a bit.

For a while, however, I felt pretty close to giving up.  Not really giving up as in going out and finding a boyfriend, but giving up by no longer trying.  No longer caring what is right and wrong.  But, I have felt slowly drawn back into the hopeful feeling that I can keep trying.  And this has led to several answers to my recent frustrations.  As I’ve started trying again and caring again, I’ve been happier.  I still struggle, but that feeling of emptiness and dark indifference has been greatly decreased.  I can see that trying is my answer.  As long as I’m trying, I will have help and will be able to find clarity.  Its only a step, but thats SO much better than where I have been.

I still have a lot of other random thoughts that I wanted to discuss, but I think I need to process them a bit more before I post anything on them.